I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
