Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
