..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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