his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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