come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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