im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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