dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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