Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
