You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
