So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At least life still wants to fuck me.
its liver damage thursday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize