If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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