Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
