My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
