I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
