Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
