I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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