I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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