I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
