Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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