Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
