What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
