I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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