I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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