somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
