you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
