Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
