According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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