I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
