Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
