Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
