$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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