Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize