someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
