If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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