One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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