Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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