there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
