At least make sure they are 18
Why
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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