Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
