look no pants
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
