she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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