I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just gargled with NyQuil
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize