i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
