he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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