Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
