sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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