We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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