Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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