I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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