And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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