She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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