Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
