Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Green mimosas i think yes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
