I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
