i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
