i just had sex bonerless
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
