Will you blow on my dice?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
