Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
