so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize