sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
