I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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