remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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