Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
