I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize