I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
