I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize