its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the high leading the old right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
