You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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