Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
