He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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