he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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