She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
