just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
