i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
