It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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