My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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