My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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