Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
