your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
