and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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