It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
