does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i dont even know how to be here
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
