There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
