I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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