I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
