i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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