Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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