come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
