I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize