There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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