U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
