my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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