Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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