I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
