I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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