And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
