do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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