I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize