haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
