you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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