just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
