my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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