Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
