is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
