im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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