Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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