listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
