what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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