Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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